So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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