xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
