i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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