I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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