You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
