I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
