oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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