oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
