erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
