k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
