This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
