ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
