Dual....:-)
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
