i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
