please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
