I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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