i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
