First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
