JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
All the doctor said was why
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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