and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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