someone threw a dead crab at me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
