For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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