Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
