cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
