My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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