if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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