I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
