I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
