Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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