i just had sex bonerless
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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