Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
