YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
