How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
