so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
