I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
