he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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