dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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