i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
