my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
