Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
