I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
