evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
