The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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