The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
