he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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