my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
