And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
third nipple confirmed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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