You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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