so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
