I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Small penises have feelings too.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
